ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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