I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
