I want to have your abortion
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
