I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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