These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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