life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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