I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
