first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
