the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
