I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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