I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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