how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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