Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
