you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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