She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
