the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
