was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
