i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
