Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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