Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
