I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
