at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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