things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
