DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
