I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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