You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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