Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
third nipple confirmed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
