The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So much rum. So many feels.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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