for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
