we have pet lesbian snakes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
