I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
