my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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