she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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