She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He better not be in your backpack
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
