Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
