i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
