I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
