so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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