We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
