Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
