I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
