just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
