Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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