drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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