a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
