great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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