Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
