The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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