Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
