Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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