Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
