He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
