I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
