Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize