I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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