You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
