I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
