i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
