Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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