got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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