you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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