ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
