We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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