JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come on in and take your pants off
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