I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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