i'm signing you up for texting rehab
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I believe in your delicious
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
