My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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