i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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