she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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